When you become a Mom your life drastically changes but in more ways than just the obvious. I think your mind is no longer at peace because there is always a portion that is worried about your children. I identify with Moms that say they can't sleep until they hear their children come in for the night. However, I know the worrying starts long before they begin to drive.
I love Hunter & Hallie equally but life seems to be so much harder for Hunter that maybe I worry a little more about him. Hunter isn't easy to get close to & he doesn't open up easily where Hallie is an open book. I worry about the choices he will make in life. I worry about his grades because he doesn't apply himself. I worry about peer pressure. Basically, I worry about everything. I don't know if it is because he is a boy or preteen but Hunter just seems to fight his Dad & I on everything. I don't know if it's because this guidance is coming from his parents but just let me say worrying about Hunter has caused many a sleepless night & many prayers on his behalf. Sometimes I get so caught up in worrying that it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I say all of this to lead to this.....a few months ago as I was taking the kids to school I started a habit of praying out loud for them individually on the way to school. I prayed for basic things like keeping them & the other children healthy, doing good on their schoolwork and basically just to be blessed with a great day. I let them know that even though their Dad & I can't be with them each day at school; their heavenly Father is with them and to rely on him always. Hunter never acknowledged this prayer & I figured he had his usual rebellious attitude about this as well.
One morning we were rushing & running late and I forgot to pray as we drove to school. Hunter says "Mom aren't you forgetting something?" me in my self absorbed state was thinking book bags, lunch money etc... but he says no Mom..... the prayer. Oh thank you Father for that light at the end of the tunnel. I know it is not yet a beam and we have far to go but it is a candle unto my path.
I wrote this post a few weeks ago but have been hesitant to publish it. This morning in church during an Advent reading, my friend Ginger spoke of the light at the end of the tunnel and there being hope even in the darkest of times. I felt as if God had spoken to me I believe he gives us "signs" that he has not forgotten us. What non-Christians may call coincidences I call reassurances. I also felt it was his ok to publish this now. The reason I was hesitant was because I didn't want to embarrass Hunter. However, his only concern was he didn't want his friends to see it. Since I don't believe any 12 & 13 year old boys read my blog I figured I was safe. I also don't feel like we should go through our trials alone that someone's prayers might make that ray of hope even brighter. Please, also if you read this and you're facing trials and sometimes don't feel there is light at the end of your tunnel-let me know I promise I will pray for you.