My favorite pic of Dad & Hunter May,1999Today is my Dad's birthday he would have been 78. Dad was always laughing, quick with a little joke and always made me feel special and loved. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows you think about them all the time but even more so around the holidays. My dad loved Thanksgiving and Christmas. He loved family get togethers especially where food was involved :-)
He passed away February 15 2002 I was 7 months pregnant with Hallie at the time. I was devastated. Hallie was due on April 2nd but after losing Dad I went into labor a month early (Hallie weighed 9.2 lbs but my Dr. still stakes his career that she was early) I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy until losing Dad and the Doctors were sure the trauma and stress of the loss caused her to come early. I had a c-section with Hunter but since she was so early my Doctor recommended a regular delivery. I was blessed with a easy going Doctor with a wonderful bedside manner and he had also delivered Hunter so I was familiar with him. Everything was progressing nicely and Tim and my Mom were able to be in the room with me.
The mood was lighthearted, the Doctor was making light conversation, joking around and then he wasn't. I knew something was wrong and terribly wrong. Without going into details she was too big and I should have had another c-section. After what seemed hours of frantic nurses rushing in & out Hallie was delivered, but there was no baby's cry and she was blue. She wasn't handed to me instead she was rushed out of the room. I have never felt more helpless than lying flat of my back in a hospital bed while they are attending to me because of my complications and all I wanted to do was jump up and run screaming frantically "What about my baby!!"
I told Tim don't worry about me, find out about Hallie. The Doctor finished and would only evade my questions and then I was in the room by myself. I don't think I have ever been more terrified and helpless. I prayed out loud and fervently. I prayed to my heavenly Father but I also prayed to my Dad to not let anything happen to my little girl. I cry every time I think about it and the tears are falling as I write this. I believe God uses people in our lives to comfort us, show us the way, even lead us back when we have gone down the wrong path. I know he let me feel my Dad's spirit in that hospital room that night telling me not to worry she was going to be ok.
Hallie truly is an answered prayer my Doctor was sure that not only had he broken her shoulder but he had caused permanent nerve damage that would require years of therapy. He was wrong and still stands amazed when he looks at my chart that she didn't have any damage.
Thank you so much God I know I am so undeserving of this blessing. I know I am no better than other Moms that have been in this same situation and have lost their precious babies or faced years of therapy. I don't know why I was afforded such grace but I thank you with all that I am for blessing me with a healthy little girl and using my Dad's spirit to comfort me that night.
Daddy it makes me so sad that you didn't get to see your Granddaughter, hold her and spoil her like you did Hunter. It does give me joy that they both have big brown eyes just like you. Happy Birthday Daddy, I miss you.